It is perhaps the dreary silence that is killing me on this Sunday evening as I process the events of the last week and at the same time silence is better than half truths about where we are in this moment.
Where do we even begin? My mom always said, “you can’t cry over spilled milk” and she’s right, I can’t cry because I don’t have any more tears, but I can scream even if it’s only to break the silence.

There are so many things I could say today, but my heart is perhaps the most broken over the people who Dr. King referred to as the “white moderate”.

“First, I must confess that over the last few years I have been gravely disappointed with the white moderate. I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro’s great stumbling block in the stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen’s Council-er or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate who is more devoted to “order” than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice; who constantly says “I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I can’t agree with your methods of direct action;” who paternalistically feels he can set the timetable for another man’s freedom; who lives by the myth of time and who constantly advises the Negro to wait until a “more convenient season.”

And I hear the silence, and my heart pounds with “I told you so’s” that don’t change anything because this is the worst kind of validation. Whoever would want to be validated for being right about violence to our bodies and our souls?

Imagine living your life in this moment as if nothing is happening, the epitome of white privilege is showing up again. Yet our Black and brown communities are losing sleep and wondering how do even take begin to take care of our souls.

There are no “both sides” here, there is only justice and injustice, there is only a country built on white supremacist values which the white church has loved as if it was the neighbor Brown Jesus told us to love. To confuse a system with your neighbor, the tragedy of centuries.

And the church, the white evangelical church, with your false prophets, with your fake songs of unity. How dare you speak of unity without acknowledging and repenting from your theology that created a white-male-god worshipped by so many in that crowd?

Most of these thoughts are incomplete and I have to be okay with that because I have to acknowledge the pain in my own soul. How do I tell her that she’s safe again when all of this reminds me of all the evil words from so called Christians and saw how others watched in silence as my soul was being assaulted, over and over again? How do I tell my soul that she’s loved when I saw my so-called friends choose a man who doesn’t even want me in this country? How do I hold these pieces that were so close to being healed when my Black undocumented body is aware of the terror we are experiencing?

If you’re white and you’re reading this and you’re still cringing when you hear the words whiteness, white privilege, white supremacy, etc, I don’t have anything else to say to you today. I probably won’t have anything to say to you for a long time.

If you choose to not engage in these conversations because “it’s too hard”, remember some of us don’t have that privilege and every time you don’t acknowledge it you make it even more obvious. Your silence is the loudest you could ever speak.

There is no more spiritual bypassing, there is no more quoting Bible verses out of context to make you feel better. You either choose to do the work, or you don’t. White saviorism is not going to work in our communities of color because we know better than that now. It’s time you work out your salvation with fear and trembling if you want to see unity.

Jesus saves, but Jesus didn’t come to save the empire. Jesus didn’t come to save white supremacy.